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PUBLIC POSTS ARE TEMPORARY.
I post. Then after time I lock them as friends only.
Feel free to add me (though I don't update like I used to.)
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I used to write, when I was bored, or stressed or upset, or just felt the whim. I would write. Sometimes like I'm doing here or a lot of times scribbled in a notebook and later discarded, but I still wrote. There was never a real method to it. I would just write. A feeling. An experience. A letter. Poetry (bad poetry lol).  A dream. Fiction. Wishful reality. Complete nonsense. 4 lines. 14 pages.  
I can rarely think of things to write about anymore. Inspiration doesn't come as often as it once did. So I sit here wondering what that means. Does it mean anything? My imagination is still intact, my brain cells too. So why don't the words come? Reflecting on this and diving through archives and crumpled paper I noticed something. Of all the things I've wrote about: Life's ups and downs. Friendship. Loss. Hope.Tragedy. Life in general. Past. Present. Future. Change.Happiness. Sadness. The Weather. I noticed I've never written about LOVE. Good or bad. A crappy poem here and there about lost love, about the love I longed for but nothing more. I wonder why that is. I wonder what that says about me.. maybe I don't want to know.
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Who was your best childhood friend, and where are they now?

My Best childhood friend, her name is Karen. We met in school when we were between 5-6 yrs old and decided to be BFF's. lol. She became like part of my family, she tried to catch herself on fire in my kitchen .. ahh good times :)  We were roomies for a while in our early 20's. Then she moved to Oregon a few years later. We've remained close friends for the past 25 years. .. and though we don't "see" one another often, we talk when we can & now I have a good excuse to visit Oregon lol
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Sometimes dreams are hidden, lost, forgotton or swept under a rug. I don't think it's ever too late to revisit them. 
Once upon a time there were things I hoped to achieve. Things I wished to have in life. Things I dreamed to be in life. Dreamed. I haven't even thought about those "dreams" in so long. Thinking back now it's.. well it is painful. Most of those things I do not have. Most of those things I still want. Locking them away and pretending I want for nothing makes it less painful in some regard. Until, I'm sitting here watching TV, laughing and then the character Ted Mosby's voice-over comes on and says.. "..about giving up on your dreams. It’s usually because it gets too difficult, too expensive, or too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped that you figure out how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it but it’s always there and until you finish it, it will always be unfinished."
Every word resonates with things I've hidden.
Ouch Ted. Way to pull me out of my fantasy land and shedding light on the fact that ..maybe I'm not as happy as I like to pretend I am. Maybe I need to get my act together and do what *I* need to do, for *me*.  Maybe it won't hurt as bad as I think when it all falls apart and maybe it won't even fall apart. Stop with the self sabotage. Cue the music.. ok no don't. It's not a happy ending, it's to be continued. Everyone has dreams. All dreams are different. I don't care to share the dreams I speak of. Some of them I now consider more as ideas not dreams. Good ideas. Ideas worth exploring. The dream .. it's still there. It's raw. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A few years ago I would have laughed in a mocking fashion. Today I realize that that was my way of making myself feel like I don't need "it". I'm fine without "it".
In the past I convinced myself I'd never have this "dream". Life circumstances as they were made some wants and dreams seem silly and insignificant. Doesn't change the fact that they were things I wanted. My dreams. Now I feel like, maybe I can have "it". Why shouldn't I? It can be scary to go after what you want, but if it's important to you shouldn't that be reason enough to throw caution to the wind? I've decided it is.


 

Enjoy the rest of your week.
~K

*anonymous comments may be left but please leave your name so I know it was you*
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